So, um...yeah.

Sooooo, how's it going?

I have been away from this blog for almost a year and a half. I know I have 8 or 9 followers, but I am pretty sure most of them didn't realize I was gone, because I was so new to the blogging world when I up and split.

There is a reason for my absence. And his name is RW. Strap on a feed bag, people. This is going to be a long one.

RW was our surprise. Our happy accident. Our serendipitous second child.

We found out on July 3rd that we were expecting our second. That morning I was brushing my teeth and when I got to my tongue, I started to gag. Now, gagging myself while brushing my tongue is pretty normal for me. What isn’t normal, though, is then proceeding to dry heave after doing so. The only time I have ever done that was when I was pregnant with LT. Once I was done, I said to The Husband “Uh, did you hear that (he was in the bedroom)?” and he said “Yeah. What was that about?” I went back into the bedroom and said “The only time I have ever done that is when I was pregnant with LT.” We decided I’d better take a test, and I had a few leftover in the drawer, but my mom was due any minute to watch LT for the day and we both had to leave for work. So I grabbed a PT (bypassing the digital one, because why waste it? I knew I wasn’t pregnant. There was no way!) and headed out the door. Of course, all the way to work, I thought there was no way. I mean, yes, my monthly visit from Aunt Flo had been sporadic and I couldn’t remember when it had last appeared. And then there was the month where I had it, like, three times (or so I thought). Still, there was no way.

Once I got to work, I headed straight for the bathroom and took the test. Then I punched in five minutes on the timer on my desk and tried to work. After five minutes of pretending to work, I checked the test and, PHEW, no second line! False ala….wait a minute! Is that a line? Is that a second line??? I am telling you people, the line was so faint, that I instantly knew what ALL those other people who say “the line was so faint, I couldn’t tell if I was imagining it or if it was really there” were saying. People I previously called morons (Sorry). I seriously could not tell if there was a second line. So, I drove to the CVS down the street and bought a digital test (like the one I had left in my drawer at home because I wasn’t pregnant).

The first time I took the digital test, I put the damn stick in upside down, so the results never posted on the screen. But when I pulled that stick out, I could see two clear lines on the test window. I don’t even know why I wasted my time doing a second test, but I did. Just to have the words spelled out to me.

I didn’t even have to set the timer for a second before the word “Pregnant” flashed up on the screen. I immediately started crying and called The Husband. “I’m pregnant” I bawled into the phone. “Nu-uh” he said. I stopped my crying for a second to think “Did those two syllables he just said have happiness and excitement behind them?” Then I went back to crying. This was unplanned, unprepared for and there was no way in HELL I was ready to even THINK about another baby. Instantly, I was bombarded by worry. I was worried that we didn’t have the finances for two babies. I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to handle two so close in age. My biggest worry, though, was that I would be so busy taking care of a newborn, that I would miss so many moments of LT’s young life.

I called my OB/GYN after to get in to see her as soon as possible. One of my tubes doesn’t open all the way, so she wanted to see me as soon as I got a positive when trying for LT to make sure it wasn’t ectopic. I assumed she would want to do the same with RW. I was right and I had an appointment that afternoon. I told my boss I had something I needed to take care of and would have to leave early. The Husband met me at the doctor’s and we were quickly assured that, yes, we were expecting. She then proceeded to feel my stomach and uterus, all the while saying “Yeah, I thought it was a little big the last time you were here (for my annual checkup in June).” My eyes widened and I was all “Why didn’t you say anything!?!” She just kind of shrugged and said “You had just given birth.” Then she hit me with the biggest bomb EVER: “Feels like you are about 11-12 weeks along.”

Umwhatthef*ckdidyoujustsay!?!?!??!??!?

She gelled me up and did an ultrasound. I saw the baby on the screen and was immediately relieved. It was so small, there was no way I was that far along. I wasn’t a terrible mom for not knowing I was 11 weeks pregnant. The doc said “Looks like you are about 13 weeks along and your due date is estimated to be 1/1/13. And look, the baby is waving at you! Hi mom!"

I WASN’T EVEN LOOKING AT THE BABY!!! I was in such denial that I didn’t focus on the HUGE baby in my stomach that was WAVING at me. Instead, I focused on I-don’t-even-know-what and said “Yup, she’s wrong.” The woman who had just given birth and had luckily seen her child on the ultrasound screen more times than most pregnant woman do didn’t even recognize the second trimester baby looking right at me. I instantly started crying and said “How could I not know?” I was devastated. And I felt like the world’s worst mother. I cried “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” I immediately thought about the alcohol I had drank (I wasn’t breastfeeding LT), but the doctor reassured me that it would be fine, as long as I didn’t drink anymore.

I was already 13 weeks along! I had "missed" pretty much the entire first trimester! I mean, seriously? Who does that?!?! There was one time I was joking with my husband saying that maybe I was so tired all the time because "I am pregnant, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Well, looks like the joke was on me, because I was. Pregnant. In my 13th week. After giving birth to LT only 5 months ago (meaning we conceived RS about 6-8 weeks after LT arrived). SMH.

So yeah, there's that.

I swear we were using birth control and I started the pill once I started my cycle again. Apparently, though, my lady parts were just too strong to be held down by modern medicine and "the goalie." Women who have recently or are about to give birth please heed my cry: THEY ARE NOT LYING WHEN THEY SAY YOU ARE AT YOUR MOST FERTILE AFTER GIVING BIRTH!!! Do not mess around with it.

Two children in less than 11 months. Irish Twins.

Next up, how I became the mom of two children less than 8 months apart. And you thought this one was long…